I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
