I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
