Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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