I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
