He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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