Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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