I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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