It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
