thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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