So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
