I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
