I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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