your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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