If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
