i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There r osticjed everywhere
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
