I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
