Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
