i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
