Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
