Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize