I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
