I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
