you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
