You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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