you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
