They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize