Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I bet he comes in French.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
