garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
