hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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