Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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