This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
