this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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