thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
