i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize