It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Randomize
