the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
