We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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