apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
