he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i will never coherently bang her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
