Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
