I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize