How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
