Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
