i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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