god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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