We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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