I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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