You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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