How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
smell my finger.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
