pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my vag is so smooth its legendary
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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