May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
