Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
