its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
