I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
