I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sext me about skeletons
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
