The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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