Me too!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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