if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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