thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
