we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
