I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize