just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
