he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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