I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
