Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She told me I should be a condom model.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
