I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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