Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
