He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize