Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
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