Pappa wants mamma naked
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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