I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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