I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
