I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize