New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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