What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
