Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
