His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
