worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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