oh god the rape fog is back!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
