That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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