I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
