"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
