You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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