I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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