How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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