Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
