Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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