i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
