isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
