I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
