your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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