It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
