Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
