so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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