Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
