Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
