tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
