So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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