You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think my tv is drunk
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize