I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
barbara walters just said penis...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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