I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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